You Lost Your Job -- What Should You Tell The Kids?

Losing your job is tough. If you’re a parent, it can take on a whole new dimension as you worry: How will I pay for their music lessons and hockey equipment? Will the stress cause their grades to slip? Have I failed as a role model? Lorie Lewandowski, a counsellor for the Mountain Lakes School District in New Jersey, offers these tips for talking with your child about your job loss:

Be honest.

Children can sense when things are wrong. Lying will only cause confusion and an environment of distrust. The best approach is to deliver the news honestly and simply. Delivering it as a team with your spouse will show a strong, united front.

Gauge their reaction.

Don’t launch into a litany about why it happened and what it means. Give them information gradually; listen to what they say and ask, and address their concerns. Lewandowski compares talking about your job loss to talking about sex: Don’t give them information that is more in-depth than they’ll be ready for.

Choose an appropriate time.

Avoid making the announcement right before bedtime or during a meal. A quiet moment over the weekend would be optimal.

Be positive.

Don’t dwell on the negative or spend a lot of time rehashing how unfair it is and what a jerk the boss was. Remember, how you deal with this crisis will be a powerful lesson for your kids (as well as yourself), so don’t indulge in unproductive behaviour. Put your energy into moving forward.

Assure them they will be taken care of.

Lewandowski says this is the most important thing you can do. Let your children know this is just temporary. While the family may have to make a few cutbacks, you will still have what is important: the basic essentials and each other. Kids need to know that despite this setback, life is going to be OK.

Give them hope.

Use this opportunity to show them how to maintain their confidence and deal with adversity. Some families have even developed rallying cries such as: "When life hands us lemons, the Lawsons make lemonade," or "When the going gets tough, the Tuckers get going!"

Watch for behavioural changes.

If your child is having trouble sleeping or eating or is exhibiting unusual behaviour at school, talk to their teacher or school counsellor, and be sure to give that child extra attention.

Let them be a part of your search.

Working as a team will lift spirits and maybe even help you land that new job. Depending on the age of the child, you may ask him or her to help format your résumé, proofread your cover letters, apply for jobs online or regale you with jokes to put you in a happy frame of mind before an interview.

While the pressure of being laid off can be greatest on parents, many find that their children are their salvation. Susan, an investment banker, was laid off a little over a year ago and says her kids helped keep her motivated, energized and upbeat.

"Losing my job was like losing a piece of my identity," she said. "Had it not been for my kids, there were some days I probably would have stayed in bed with the covers over my head. But children remind you what is really important in life," she adds. "It’s just a job. You’ll find another.